Have you ever wondered how to create more meaningful moments for you to share with your person living with dementia? In dementia care, we frequently hear the term activities. An activity, simply said, is the task you engage in. However, an activity on its own does not necessarily add meaning to one’s life. To do that, the interaction you two share during the activity is what will add meaning to the task.

So, how do you best approach your interaction to create more meaningful moments for you both? See the 3 tips below to learn more.

To create more meaningful moments, try adding engagement to your activities.  For example, an activity on its own, could be bird watching.     An engagement, on the other hand, would be both of you looking at a book of birds that you would like to watch, or looking out the window together to see which type of feathered friends you might discover.  Or you could go for a walk together to look for birds.

In a way, an activity is like the menu, and engagement is what you choose to do with the other person in the process.  Engagement, in fact, goes beyond activities and can help add meaning to everyday tasks.  By partnering together in activities and cares instead of giving cares to your loved one with dementia.

Try to do things with a person, while spending time together, instead of doing things for or to the person. While this may seem like a small, minor difference, it can have a major impact on how you approach a task and how both of you experience the task.

For example: 1. Imagine someone taking a toothbrush and sticking it in your mouth without warning. How would that feel? Would you just let it happen, or do you think you might resist? 2. Now imagine the person comfortably holding your dominant hand while also holding your toothbrush with their first three fingers. The person then uses their free hand to first give you a visual signal for brushing teeth, and then calmly rests that hand on your shoulder to create a physical connection with you. Next, the person lifts the toothbrush and your hand together to your mouth.

Which would feel more comfortable to you? The first or the second option? Chances are, you’d prefer the second scenario. Unlike the first one, where the person is giving care to you, the second scenario uses Hand-under-Hand technique to partner with you and allowing you to feel more in control.

In fact, a 2018 comparative study of different means of helping people with dementia found that Hand-under-Hand elicited the least amount of resistive behaviors.

How would you feel if someone knocked on your front door and then simply proceeded to walk in before you could respond? How would you feel if someone just walked up to you and, without saying anything or giving you a cue, reached toward you and buttoned your shirt?

Chances are you would not appreciate or like it much.

Without permission, we shouldn’t assume we have permission to fix or change something that we see as a problem for a person living with dementia. Instead, trying to partner with them in a friendly way to acknowledge something isn’t quite right and fixing it – either on their own or together.

Whenever you can, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask how you would like to be treated. Try to gauge the other person’s ability, and then try to match them. If you remember to get permission first and do things together, you’re much more likely to experience a meaningful engagement that is based on working as a team.

In our Memory Care Units at SpringBrook Community of Onalaska, our Training Coordinator works with our healthcare staff to help them understand the importance of “doing with” rather than “doing for.” Our Life Enrichment Department offers our residents many opportunities for unstructured conversations that spark memories and responsive interactions. Many of our Memory Care residents have difficulty understanding or talking about their lives right now, but they brighten up and fully engage when given the opportunity to tell you all about the tractors they used on their farms, or how they helped their mother can tomatoes every year. These types of interactions bring a smile to everyone’s face.

References: Positive Approach to Care by Teepa Snow